U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
