She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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