I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
