I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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