I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
too bad you live with your parents still
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
