whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
