Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
