i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
