Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
