Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
