If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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