May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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