I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
