someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
