I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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