the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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