Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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