____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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