Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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