Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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