We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize