Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
