When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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