first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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