I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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