you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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