I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
