I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
