This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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