i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
