I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His nipple licking is glorious
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