This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
