and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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