I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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