Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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