if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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