omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
