and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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