WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Four minutes until I can fart!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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