sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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