I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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