2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
