I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
