Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
