honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Damn victory sex feels great
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
