just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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