I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
