I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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