they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just invented taco cereal.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
