She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
