addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
