Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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