Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
