just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
home. puking in laundry basket.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
