pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
