Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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