Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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