Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
