Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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