You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
