So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
