I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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