I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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