DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
