I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
