And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
