Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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