census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My balls are so social today.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
