I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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