I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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