well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
