If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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