allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
