I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
